| just a few small words |
[Jul. 6th, 2010|12:21 pm] |
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| |  curious | ] |
Oh my I have a ton of updates for you, but first lets talk about you. Who the hell are you? When I write these entries I assume that I am writing to no one. I am writing to get things out of my mind and is that what I am really doing? Am I just typing into a white box to clear my own mind? Or am I writing to some creepy citizen stalker? I guess it doesn't really matter too much but I suppose I should be happy for the sympathetic white box that listen to me. Anyways enough of this madness how about I move onto the updates...
First off it is a boy, the baby inside my belly is a little boy. I went to see Yurika the nice Asian baby doctor who lives on the outskirts of towns. We meet in the vets office, which always makes me laugh because I had been told so many times that I was a bitch and here I am going to a vet clinic to get a check up. In case anybody is following a long I am 24 weeks along. I am getting closer to the end point which is scary as shit. Does anybody want to hold my hand? I really don't want to be sad girl who has to do it all alone.
I will also need someone to watch Willow for me when I go into labor these are things I have to be prepared for so if anyone volunteers just let me know. Speaking of my precious Willow she said he very first word, well she attempted to say Astrid. I wonder if she should start calling me mom or just Astrid. I know I am not her real mother but I am what she has now I don't want her to forget her real mother and I will always will tell her about the woman she was, well as much as I know, but I don't want her to feel motherless. I don't know I guess I will try to find an adoption book and read about what I should do. I suppose I have made this long enough. |
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| It all seems like a dream |
[Jun. 11th, 2010|02:44 pm] |
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| |  contemplative | ] |
Do you ever feel like your going to wake up and be back in the normal world with your normal life back? Its like my dreams are backwards when I am asleep I am part of the old world the one where Jackson and I live in New Mexico. Jackson working for a variety of companies and paying for me to go to school. What a wonderful life I had, I would spend weeks just painting and creating. But like all good things I always wake up. In this stranger's bed. I spend most of my day's being a mom, Willow is growing up so wonderfully. She is so beautiful but it is really tiring to have her around. I don't really know how to update everyone on my life. I hang out with Aiden at least once a week, I know everyone tells me he is a pig but he a great friend to me. I haven't talked to Leon in a while or Valentine its like I am losing touch. Someone told me I could bring Willow to the daycare and I would like to, I just want to talk to that person more, or visit the place first I don't want her to get hurt. Ok well I will post some pictures for you because maybe it will help you know me better.
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| My master piece |
[Jun. 7th, 2010|05:00 am] |
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| |  bouncy | ] |
Alright my darlings I have finished and I am SO proud of the nursery and I think that Willow LOVES it... she gets the biggest smile on her face everytime I take her in there what do you think? Be honest!
I just really wanted to share this with you and thank those who left me comments last time. Please leave me your AIM so I can contact you. Hope to talk to you all soon. Oh Leon call me I want to start painting soon. |
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| Cigarette |
[May. 24th, 2010|10:25 pm] |
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| |  lonely | ] |
I could really use a freaking cigarette it has been so long time... I am now 18 weeks along which is exciting because there is finally a baby bump... Our baby is growing into a little person. I already have a list of names I just wish I had someone to bounce these names off of... any takers? I could really just use a grown up to talk to.
I guess I haven't really told people that I got another baby... What? you ask... well as most of you know there was a horrific accident that killed four new comers BUT in a miracle that I can't explain little baby Willow lived through it and now I have taken her in. So now she is living in what used to be the spare room. She is 6 months old so she is sitting up on her own and crawling around. Which can be very exciting... well for me. I just take her to work with me cause I don't have enough money to pay for a nanny but its ok, there are not a lot of people who are shopping for baby stuff right now.
I think I am just mumbling along here but I can't help it. I designed another nursery for Leon... it's Alice and Wonderland. See I am doing Peter Pan for my own kids its almost done... I just have to do the ceiling... I could use help I think I am too far along to be on a ladder. Alright I am going to stop rambling on now... hit me up if you want hang out, help, or even just talk.
astridzombie |
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| Notes |
[Apr. 15th, 2010|11:16 pm] |
I have spent the last three hours reading Jackson's notes I have NO idea what they mean but I have copied them into handwriting that can be read by a normal human being. Jackson always had the worst writing, I have ever seen, I think he should have been a doctor.
Speaking of doctors I went to see Dr. Dan and I got to see the baby for the first time, it was simply put the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know the sex of my baby but for now I call it a he, seeing his tiny nose and his feet. That precise little life is in my tummy I don't know how to explain it. It's like everything is going to be ok again... I have faith in this world, but I know that I have to get out of here... I just don't know how so here I am reading these notes...
Something completely different from my last few posts but if you want to see him
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| What?!?!?! |
[Apr. 13th, 2010|05:33 pm] |
So as most of you know... or maybe those who just give two shits about me know... I am:
A) Pregnant
and
B) My soul mate just died...
so in other words things haven't been great well NOW my fucking brain is flipping all over the place. So my douche bag boss decided to yell at me today at work and I just burst into tears... I cried for two hours at work. I fucking hate this place! At least if I was home I could borrow money from my dad... I need something... SOMEONE...
BLAH Oh yeah I am about to start my second trimester. |
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| 007 |
[Mar. 21st, 2010|11:18 pm] |
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| |  apathetic | ] |
In the beginning there was just a girl, she was not extra ordinary in anyway. Just a pale skinned, blue eyed girl with no special talent or skills. In fact the only thing that actually stood out about her was the smile that she so rarely let escape. It was her first day of college when she met him, the perfect boy with red hair and blue eyes. It took only a few days before they were in love, he brought her flowers, candies, and he even bought her a puppy for their first year anniversary. They named him Frankie, it was nearly a week later when they said the cherished L-word for the first time.
The first time they made love was magic, and every time since then she could still feel the special tingles up her spine. But the world had a different plan for the girl and the boy. So it split them apart but the boy was determined, he found her... he was there to save her again just like he always did. But when the world wants you apart it will stop at nothing to keep you apart. So fate stepped in and took the boy away from ever.
So here I am... alone. Just a plain girl with no extra ordinary talent and i don't believe I know how to smile anymore. |
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| today... |
[Mar. 18th, 2010|12:05 pm] |
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| | depressed | ] |
I want to end it all.
Skipped work I guess I rolled the dice, let's see if someone will do the favor for me.
I need a smoke.
*private*
Does any of this matter anymore? Today I can find no reason to get out of bed. The minute I stand up I puke everywhere. I just want to close my eyes and stay in the dreams at least there I am not alone.
Maybe I should go talk to the asshole theRAPIST at least he could give me something to artificially get through the pregnancy. |
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| A little place called home |
[Mar. 15th, 2010|04:54 pm] |
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| |  scared | ] |
Echo and Frankie are so confused they are searching everywhere for Jackson poor little babies. Please Aiden for deciding that he is in charge of my insane cravings, which haven't really hit me yet. I just find myself making Linda Blair impersonations in the mornings and I am tired all the time. Echo bless his little heart is so protective of his momma he and Frankie are so comforting right now.
I am going to start painting murals for people price is negotiable and I can paint almost anything so please call me if you want something cool on your walls. Also take into account that the money you pay will pay for things like diapers, food, and bedding for my unborn child. Sorry for the guilt trip but I need the money.
*PRIVATE*
There is no place that is home to me now. It would seem that I have to build a home of my own, I have to accept being alone. I guess what most people don't understand is I need to be touched, maybe it doesn't make sense to most but I need it. It's like Aiden understands it... maybe he just understands me. He just held me for a while and even if I didn't cry I just felt safe.
I still need to talk to Clinton about being roommates. Please Leon for offering me an apartment which is paid for throughout the rest of the year. Now I am torn do I make myself be on my own do I force the independence or do I rely on Clinton to take care of me for a little while. Everything is so messed up right now. I guess I am going to try to apartment for a while and if I can't do it I will go to Clinton. |
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| There are no happy endings |
[Mar. 1st, 2010|01:23 pm] |
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| | depressed | ] |
I was thinking about burning all the books I have that have happy endings... but then I realized I am in this complete hell hold.
Listen up children this is an important life lesson... There is no happily ever after. Prince charming is fucking the maid, and everyone disappoints you. |
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| 002 |
[Oct. 6th, 2009|06:28 pm] |
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| |  nerdy | ] |
Run run run! That is right have you seen (or felt) the woosh of Astrid lately? I have been running my butt off cause well I realized I need to be in shape. I don't know this place at all and God knows when I'll need to protect myself against... well anything. When I started to think about this I came up with a GREAT idea if ANYONE (guys included) wants to learn self defense I want to put together a class. So here his the deal: Anyone interested should comment here or call me and let me know when you are off work and I will make a time for the class. EVERYONE should know how to protect themselves even the smallest girl can take out a three hundred pound man. Ok well I know that is random and all but my father taught me you are the only you can protect yourself; police can't always be there, neither can parent or boyfriends (girlfriends). Ok well I am done preaching let me know.
*Edit*: Nathan!!! Where have you been my friend? I haven't seen you in a few days is everything ok? Just a little worried. |
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